She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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