Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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