Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
