Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
