In the future we'll all be gay
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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