I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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