After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
