so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he quoted the bible to break up with me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
