my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
