WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
