But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
