you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
