I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
