we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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