Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
