I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize