Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
