Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
