Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
