Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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