You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
