did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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