If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
