Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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