FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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