Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
