You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
