PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
