wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
