Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
