I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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