I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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