I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
