she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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