I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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