Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
