Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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