JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
