i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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