I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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