i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
