You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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