i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
