it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
