I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
