I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
