I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
