i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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