um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
