Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize