dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
