Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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