NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
