and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
