Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
