Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
