pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
