Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
