And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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