There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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