Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
