if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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