if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
