I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
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All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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