The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
