P.S. I can't hear my feet
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
