my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
