Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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