I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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