How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
