She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
